milo

Ok....so in my efforts to become a journal writer im going to try and write here at least once a day. Basicly for myself, if no one ever reads this, well then....i can write all sorts of secrets and no one will be the wiser. So i went to bed at 4:30 am last night (I have good reasons....one to be exact) and when i slept it wasnt great, and i woke up at 5:30 and then went back to sleep...So now, here it is 1:54 pm and im still not ready for the day. Listening to wilco (when I should be at work, or doing weekly laundry, or finishing up chads cd/package, or i should be doing ANYTHING productive) however, im throwing caution to the wind and IMing old friends. Video chats are fun....i think im going to get a webcam soon. although that means i may have to actaully appear presentable when I chat online....which isnt always the case..hehehhe. So im testing a pic...and im putting a link to some of my point and shoot europe pics...so all my friends (at least on livejournal can see them). XO -ej

http://s58.photobucket.com/albums/g261/tinybutclassy/






This is the pic of the day...me cracking the creme brulee just like in Amelie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sECzJY07oK4&mode=related&search= the french one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-s7GvpXqTI&mode=related&search= the english one

Chad, if you're reading this we need to watch this together when you come to utah!

so.....Ive been a bad person and havent written in a bonified journal or this little thing called live journal. To my great amazment and pleasure; Caren, lil huff, and Tamsin are still at it. My hat is off to you folks for your viliant livejournaling in the face of adversity and full time employment. This makes me miss the hostle house... so in light of the true hostle house spirit i am going to begin again to share EVERYTHING...heheh. It's late and im chatting with a groovy boy named chadski, who will be in utah in the blink of an eye (giddy with excitement)! xo

Yeah ....so i came to my home to do some homework. but instead me and my mom looked up stuff on google earth...the 3d satellite photography and it was freaking awesome. The weird thing is i think all the government land is all blurred out and funky colored. Physics and statistics are making my life suck right now. honestly! Im desprately seeking a TI-83 calculator...erin....tamsin...ANYONE!! help me ....or put me out of my misery. Ok enough of the over the top dramatics...enough playing and more homework.

man...... Even when I keep up on my reading i still stuck at physics. Tonight was fun landry night! I hope that the wash hut gets ms. pac man working soon. Acutally i hope that magically the piece of crap washer in my house would actually work.

Im sad elin is gone to SLC...im sad that nicoles car is kaput...but im happy that tomarrow is a double wammy of parties...and im happy that im going to bed in 14 minutes.

all and all it was a really awesome day....i like scraves and beanies and warm fall/winter attire.

I like reading the words of living prophets and those of ancient prophets...yeah! time for some book of mormon fun. Caren is funny!

oh man my picture is old and needs to be updated badly...i had crazy short hair and look like a little baby.

OK...so its been several years since i updated this thing but here goes....I figure since i dont write in a actual journal maybe this will work out better for me. Its sad to think that things as personal and special as journals are now floating the world wide web. I dont know weither to be worried or relieved...if there is no paper there are more trees and less chance of a really sad fire or flood ruining precious memories. But then sometime, somewhere, someday a server will crash and hundreds of thousands of people will be without their e-journals and be crying for days on end. Looking over this journal is like a trip down memory lane funniest thing of all was looking at the inventory of all my cds.....how sad....most of them are,

a} stolen
2} lost
d) scratched beyond recognition
6} given or thown away in light of my desire to sacrafice something truly important to me.

Music...music has and i trust always will be a huge part or my life. looking back i think there were times when it ruled my life...always going to shows, getting into new bands, spending tons of money and time on music and shows. Also....way back when i wrote this journal (and years before) i feel like i let some of my music (hardcore, punk, and other really heavy or stuff with questionalbe lyrics) really be a bad influence in my life. there is alot of music that i like (or use to like) that isnt exactly condusive to the spirit.

However, on the flip side i think of all the times in my life when i have really really felt the lords love for me, or comfort from the spirit, or conformation of prayer through music. It all just depends on the right music. Music is a gift from God and so many times its uplifting and amazing but other times i think its a tool to drag people down. So...basicly i dont regret letting go of alot of music (and alot of my past) because im a better person because if it. And in letting go i feel like the Lord recognized the sacrafice...and i feel i have been blessed because of it.

anyway......its fall....its amazing...I need to take a drive up the canyon. Caren and i were talking about how fall is the time for cuddling. There is this amazing song by mates of state that is called autumn love...and it absoulutely makes me happy...it is magic magic magic magic....that is 4 yes for magics. But...its true...when it starts getting cold. everyone needs someone to cuddle up with. The sad thing is there is not a prospect in sight. not a single one....and just when i think their is...i realize that it was just an old recycled crush.

IM SICK OF WATCHING TV!! im sick of feeling addicted to arrested development...or any other shows for that matter. I just need to get out of the freaking house. I should never feel bored...there is too much to do in this life to let it pass me by. I think im gonna start swimming in the mornings, or doing yoga more...anything. I just need to turn off the freaking tv and shut down this computer and stop looking on ldslinkup...(how ironic that im having this epiphany while writing online)...hopefully this wont be the last of my journaling.

Well its good to know that your ok
Good enough to ask him back to your place
and its good to know that youve been so inviting
I wont knock again ill just come in
secretly i keep angry distance
deep inside the lining of my coat
to use against the ill intended mistress
who likes to touch my heart by reaching down my throat
im a man and i know my tradethe futures here but it will not forsake me
cause theres no machine thats gonna match what i made
may they rest in peace or may the devil take me
well yes, i want you back. but i refuse to play a clown
to have to laugh and clap and where a smile when i feel a frown
and its good to know that youve been so inviting
well you heard the one about the rich mans widow
that filled her dress with stolen eggs
And how the people the people of the town
all gathered round to laugh her down
When those eggs all broke and ran down her leg

Its getting cold. Winter is coming on fast and for that im thankful. Soon enough i will be slicing through fields of pristine powder. And the thought of that makes me smile. This weekend has been crazy. All plans were re-arranged when I got two huge photo assinments dumped on me at the last minute. Having less than 24 hours and racking my brain trying to be creative i finally got them wrapped up this morning. (Big sigh on relief)

Last night was the ill fated glen canyon party. Emily Kate's man lover from michagain gave her a (broken)tape of glen canyon before it was flooded. So she rents a projector and puts up a sheet to play the film then Emily Kate and I made a killer/dreamy mix of music. However the movie and 2 vcrs(yes thats right 2 broken vcrs) decided not to work so we ended up watching most of the black hole...(one of the better mid 70s sci-fi movies out there, also how i spent last valentines day with the boys) and parts of ghostbusters which i had forgotten why it is such a classic piece of cinema, but was numberously reminded by bill murray and rick moranis and their commical talents. Not to mention those weird evil dog things that look like claymation and the stay puff marshmallow man. Then when ghostbusters was traded for some random suspence thriller from the 60s called. 'what ever happened to helen.' Not even Andy's 'sexy' voice, nor the room full of my sick friends could make me stay for the next movie. 12 cans and 2 liters of TAB later. I bit my farwells and went home to bed stressing out about my damn photo bit for the paper and crashed. Ahhhh the joys of renting a projector....it makes any night better. Last evening was indeed one of those nights.

so im a girl...i do funny things sometimes. one of those funny things being, i have a list of songs that i would keel over and die if a boy sang them to me (in that non-cheesy, 'yeah right this will ever happen to me' sort of way.) This is definately in the top three. It kills me every time.

You're kinda small
And you're such a doll
I'm glad you're mine
You're so good to me
How come you are

You take my hand
And you understand
When I get in a bad mood
You're so good to me
And I love it, love it

You're my baby
Oh yeah
Don't mean maybe
Oh yeah

I know your eyes
Are not on the guys
When we're apart
You're so true to me
How come you are

And every night
You hold me so tight
When I kiss you goodbye
You're so good to me
And I love it, love it

Today was 'Hey Emilie's' baby shower. It consisted of really really good food and a lot of women saying: 'ohhhhh' and 'ahhhhh' and 'oh thats so cute' and 99.9% of the gifts were in fact soooooo cute. I got baby katie some baby vans...and i know (even though shes not born yet and thus, cant fully apperciate vans yet) she loves them. Tonight is a halloween party and i am going as smurfette. its been quite a time trying to pull the costume together. i will post pictures in my photo diary when i get them. speaking of...anyone who is reading this (that isnt me)I just updated TONS of pictures. Go here--------> http://groups.msn.com/lilemilysphotogallery/pictures
today is swell!!! life is cold but very good!!!

life is insane....sometimes i wonder what i did to desreve all the crap that i deal with. Which crap i will not go fully into, due mainly because this is, in fact an online journal that everybody and anybody could just read all the dirt on little emilyj. I live with my mom, she drives me crazy....in a bad way. I need to move out, but i have no money, because i dont have a job. SO moving out is sorta impossible right now. and my boy problems... the only boy worth any energy is to far far away. ITs funny how that works. im just so sick of everything. i wish it all would melt away. im sick of being tired. im sick of being sad. im sick of being jobless. im sick of the scene. im sick of how little my friends call me anymore. im sick of being walked all over because im nice. im sick of this damn computer screen.

elliott smith is a genius. Im gonna marry him someday,

pitseleh

I'll tell you why I don't want to know where you are
I got a joke I been dying to tell you
a silent kid is looking down the barrel
to make the noise that I kept so quiet
I kept it from you, pitseleh
I'm not what's missing from your life now
I could never be the puzzle pieces
they say that god makes problems
just to see what you can stand
before you do as the devil pleases
and give up the thing you love
but no one deserves it
the first time I saw you I knew it would never last
I'm not half what I wish I was
I'm so angry
I don't think it'll ever pass
and i was bad news for you just because
I never meant to hurt you

Today was confernce and it was nice. Although i slept through most of it. *winks* I havent quite figured out how to post more than one picture without it saying that stupid thingy (this picture is hosted by tripod.com) that is total BS. I found out yesturday that im going to Florida with UVSC newspaper staff! im really excited because ive never actaully been to florida in all 22+ years of my life. It should be an adventure.

Emily Kate if your reading this...Greg(Max)Caldwells little sister is on the photo staff with me. also jarond summons(remember his little micheal jackson bit in highschool? I always thought that his hair resembled something prehistoric...maybe a raptor or something....think about it and youll agree with me.) . any news on the SF trip? call me. OH yeah and tonight is the K records talent show. If its anything like last year it will be amazing. you should come with me.

Charles....I dont have your e-mail address but i can just as easily call you and we can go off, off, and away on our photo adventure. where do you want to go? SLC? some little hick town in the south might make for some fun pictures(at least that ups our chances of meeting teethless old men)

my sister from Colorado is in town. Its fun playing with my neice ...she gets so excited over stuff like makeup and barbies and thats always fun because she reminds me of me when i was 5....its also cool to have a little kid following you around thinking your the coolest thing to ever hit the streets...however it gets old after a while. like right now. Later

for some odd reason i cant make any comments and thats rather sad. but i feel the need to update this anyhow.

Elin, Vaughn and I recently went camping and here are a few of the pictures of flashlight fun! yeah!

Today was a good day I got a lot done...yet still have no job. What gives?

Last night at Trivial pursuit we played a game called 'kissing clues' which pretty much consisted of me making an idoit of myself and turning really really red in front of all my friends...but i dont care...because they are my friends.

Tonight was the punk rock prom and it was fantastic. lots of black eyeliner and fishnets and crazy insane dancing. sometimes i forget how much i love punk rock at heart. you can the girl out of punk but you cant take the punk out of the girl. thats how it goes right? It was just nice ....it kinda took me back to a better time when kids didnt care about standing around looking deep and crossing their arms and nodding their heads to the beat of the music. were kids actaully danced and had a really good time and it was just insane but everything makes sense at the same time. I just enjoy listening and dancing and rocking out to good music. Its also funny to run into cats that you havent seen in ages. thats amazing really...people change yet stay the same. that can be a good or bad thing. But all and all its good to be time warpped to 1996 for a night, very good. wow, its late but often i find that sleep will not come to me. this summer was a bad summer for my sleeping patterns(or lack thereof) its really odd how drasticly peoples moods will change depending on how many hours of sleep is aquired. i function in super-catty mode when i am deprived of sleep...yet now i find myself wide wide awake at 1:47...oh damn what a cruse, especially when the internet has lost its luster, its as if everything it has to offer me is all cashed out. perhaps that is why i opted for this live journal mumbo jumbo. then i can rant and rave to myself (but it makes me feel that its not just me rambling, in the thought that other will read this)(is that good or bad) YES, NO or MAYBE circle one.

testing one....two...three